What College Life Is Really Like and How It Affects Parents
Getting ready for college is a big step for both students and their parents. This is what I learned when my son, Carlton, went through the process. He knew what he wanted to study, which helped him make a list of schools easily. He even had a draft of his college essay ready. While Carlton focused on his schoolwork and science projects, I created a spreadsheet to keep track of application dates, requirements, and whether schools would accept his AP credits. We visited campuses, he picked his favorites, and I took care of the application fees as they came up. Everything was going smoothly, until it wasn’t.
- The College Application Brings Big Changes
Applying to college marks the start of a new chapter where teens and parents start to separate a bit. Even though I wasn’t a parent who did everything for my child, I did have connections with his teachers, coaches, and school counselors. I stayed involved but gave Carlton space to manage his academics and sports in high school. But when college applications began, I noticed how different things were.
- Mistakes Happen, and They Can Be Stressful
One unexpected thing we learned was how hard it is to fix a mistake on the CSS Profile, a financial form many colleges require. Carlton accidentally submitted the form with the wrong birthdate, which created a lot of stress. It didn’t help that his dad had to fill out part of the form too, even though we were no longer together. The CSS Profile asks for financial details from both parents, whether or not they’re paying for college.
- Colleges Communicate Only with Students
Another surprise was that colleges only talk to the students applying. When we had an issue with the CSS Profile, I discovered that only Carlton could ask for changes. Colleges sent emails and updates only to him, even though his high school still communicated with me. This shift to independence caught us off guard. At first, he assumed I knew everything he did, and I thought he was missing important emails. Now, we check in regularly, and he forwards me things I need to see.
- The House Feels Different When They Leave
I knew dropping Carlton off at college would be hard, but I didn’t expect how different home would feel without him. My daughter and I drove back to our house in Maine, and it was strange coming home to a quieter space. Adjusting to cooking for two and sitting at a table that felt too big was tougher than I thought. Over time, though, we found our new normal. We made smaller meals, picked new shows to watch, and talked to Carlton often.
- It’s Okay to Feel Happy, Not Just Sad
Many people assumed I’d be sad after dropping my son off. They asked how much I cried (I didn’t) or if he was homesick. But we were happy! Carlton was excited to be at college, making new friends, exploring, and settling into his classes and job. My daughter and I visited during family weekend and had a great time. Carlton’s friends even came to visit him in the fall, and he came home for Thanksgiving break. By the end of his first semester, I felt thankful that he was happy and thriving.
College: The First Step to Independence
Applying to college and moving away is a big step toward independence for teens. They learn to make their own choices; from what they eat to how they spend their time. While it’s a big change for parents too, it’s a healthy and important part of growing up. Carlton just finished his first year, and soon it Carlton be my daughter’s turn to apply. Even though the idea of having an empty house one day feels strange, I know we’ll be okay. That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned: change can be good.